Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense

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We need a page where bad jokes and other deleted nonsense can rest in peace. So, here it is! [I'm half tempted to suggest keeping the jokes inline with the pages, as they must sorta give the encyclopedia some lively color. But I do know it'd just get carried away and turn into an encyclopedia of silliness, so look forward to frequent updates of this page.  ;-) ] -- BryceHarrington

From drummer: Someone who hangs out with musicians.

From funeral:

Funerals don't have to be expensive. They can be extremely cheap, and also environmentally sound. The best way to go is in a cardboard coffin, with a tree planted on top.

I think this conceivably was not intended as a joke

From Ontario:

Niagara Falls is on the border between Ontario and some unimportant part of the USA

I suppose if one was actually from North Tonowonda, it could be important, maybe...

From Cincinnati:

America's most liveable city.

Located on the Ohio River across from Kentucky.

From Ohio:

Consists of Cincinnati, plus Cincinnati's north eastern suburbs.

From Poland:

From an Englishman's diary:
  • Monday: I went drinking with the Poles
  • Tuesday: I think I'm going to die
  • Wednesday: I went drinking with the Poles again
  • Thursday: Why the hell didn't I die on Tuesday...
And in Poland they tell this joke about russians ... Oh, well

From PatentNonsense: Q. SO, you are really looking for Chaos on a webpage, right? A., we'd like to avoid it. Q. K, how is that going to happen without a policeman? A. Go figure! [Of all the text to end up being hauled into this detention centre... :)]

order arising out of chaos...

From WhatIsaWiki: This is crazy! A tremendous Fear and Loathing of wikis is present... Blah...

Er, what's crazy? To whom are these Kierkegaardian sentiments present? It was a dark and stormy night and the captain said "tell us a story" ...

Hmmm - it's REALLY possible to edit ALL of EVERY page? Seems a recipe for diaster to me! One destructive moron and the whole Wiki becomes mush. Maybe I'm just cynical.  :-)

Wow, This is kinda wierd

   -- Drachs

Investigation of the Wiki concept...

From Idiosyncratic:

My dad knew him.

From HareKrishna:

(For more on little-known religions' positions on sex, see BokoNonism.)

Oh Wiki, you're so fine!...

From English language:

A quick guide for those living in the United States - Colour is spelt with a 'u', Aluminium has 5 syllables, and Encyclopaedia does indeed have an 'a' in it. In addition, sulphur is not spelt with a 'f', foetus has an 'o', and 'organisation' is indeed spelt with an 's', as are many other words you spell with a 'z' (which is incidentally a 'zed', not a 'zee'), and it's "spelt," not "spelled." And if you can't use apostrophes correctly, *learn*. It's not hard. Plurals don't need them, normal possessives do, contractions do, 'its' as a posessive doesn't. Thank you. --- well, actually, I'm not partial to either spelling of sulphur, but the scientific community spells it with an 'f', so I suppose we're stuck with it. and to quote dave barry badly, "the apostrophe is used to warn the reader that an 's' is coming up, as in 'Try our hot dog's.'"

says who? Can't languages evolve? I don't see you spelling like Shakespeare...

And even though I agree with most of the above, "fetus" is a latinate root, not a greek one, so the "foetus" spelling is not etymologically justified.

From SnowBoarding:

This snowboarding page is dedicated to all the hot snowbunnies!! (ha,ha)

From AustriA:

Austrians are known as the best lovers worldwide. Ha ha ha! You mean that's not an objective fact?!  :-) Ever been to Austria?? Then you'll know what I mean;-)

From WikiWatcher:

(for the time beeing, the previous definition would be best applied to MiracleDoer)...

From Actors:

Q: How do you make a little box?

A: With little boards. ;-)

What do you mean by 'little box'?

What's big and red and eats rocks??

A big red rock-eater. Everyone knows that. But what is big, red and eats sand?

Amusingly enough, I put this here because i just discovered that a friend of mine (non-English-speaking) did not know this.  :-) And ... I dunno, what?

A big red rock-eater on a diet.

From The Recorder:

I played the Recorder when i was in 6th grade -Zed

From LoGic:

The ultimate goal of logic is to show nothing can be proved.

From POP3:

Poop Of Pleasure 3

From Abraham Lincoln:

Lincoln was shot at Ford's Theater. John F. Kennedy was shot in a Ford Lincoln. Gerald Ford was shot at, but they missed.

Bad Bread Joke
Jonny went in to the bakers & asked for a loaf of bread.
Baker; "White or brown"
Jonny; "It doesn't matter, I'm on my bike."

From Agnostida:

Trilobita that aren't entirely sure whether or not God exists. Just kidding.

From Cryptozoologoy:

Cryptozoology studies such "hidden", undiscovered and possibly non-existent creatures as the bigfoot, what happens when a sock disappears from the washing machine, (cf. Patterson-Gimlin film) and the Loch Ness Monster.

From numerical analysis:

Finite elements is a more powerful approach to numerical differential equations than finite difference, but mathematicians prefer the latter because the theorems are easier to prove. Shame on them.

From Newtons Laws of Motion:

Newton's Fourth Law: "Don't sit under ripe apple trees"

The Two Main Theories of History.

1.The 'accidental' theory. 2.The 'conspiracy' theory.

Type 1 folks believe that events happen without cause, you could say, accidentally. History simply unfolds as it will!

The type 2 people believe in the causation of History. How do events, people, and things, interelate, interweave, and deliberately cause certain things to happen, not accidentally? History unfolds as it is willed!

Which type are you?

More than in wikipedia comentary, i think this belongs on Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense

From volvox:

"Volvox is a : what is Volvox? Plant? Animal? Mold? Fungus?
I think it's a crashed Volvo."

From Cannabis:

"balls for president"

From New World Order:

Hitler is not dead. The Germans cloned him just before he "died". Hitler and the new world order are behind this. Also, There are some new additions to the New World Order. These new additions are Mousillini, Stalin, Feidel Castro, Atillia the Hun, Genghis Kahn, and Sadam Husein. --Note- Atillia and Genghis Khan are the decendants of the original people-- they hijacked the planes that hit the world trade center and the Pentagon.

From Plato:

Plato was also a tragic child star who recently died of a drug overdose. Purportedly, there was some kind of mysterious curse hanging over the entire cast and crew of 'Different Strokes' - a modern reference to Greek Tragedy. . .or, more specifically, Modern-Day Greek Archetypes. Was Plato actually Persephone? Think about it.

From The Diggers:

They [the Diggers] tried to graze their animals again on the commons. The commons had been taken away to raise sheep to feed the woolen mills of the Industrial Revolution. The king's men slaughtered them. They were called the Diggers because they were digging graves every day.

From United States/Standard of Living:

The United States is historically remarkable for being the first nation with obese poor people.

From Sociology:

Sociology is grand! It is the study of social structures like laws and rules and regulations and what we sociologists call. "Mores (pronounced more A's, beloved students) :-) and folkways and customs and taboos.

The word, "sociology", in its furthest "Far out!" context, is a real mind-bender because it means the study of all humanity.

"Sir! You think I can study six BILLION people?"  :-)

Good Lord!  :-)

Sociology! SOCIOLOGY!

Sociologists are the Gardeners in the Mind -- the "Ideaculturists" in the Garden if the Human Mind, quite like the horticulturists who deal with other growing things.

See a good offshoot? Perhaps help it along?

Cheers!  :-)

From Rectum:

As of 2001, there are roughly 6 billion people on the planet. Assuming each one takes a dump once a day, there are 6 billion times a day at least that the anus does it's work. Truly this is proof of its thorough design and well crafted construction. Unless of course you don't believe anything designed the anus. Anyways.

Even more common than dump taking is farting, also done through the anus, that most durable and noble of organs.

From Lary Sanger/The art of Wikipedia weeding:


Weeding was generally thought to be the first indication that Wikipedia would lose its free form nature and become moderated by a small knit circle of fascists willing to impose their own intellectual aesthetic on others, much like Slashdot. Although this increased the consistency of the site and decreased the number of punctuation and spelling errors, a small and militant minority noticed the decrease in the intellectual diversity of the entries, and went on to form it's own splinter group, Shittipedia.

By 2005, Wikipedia had become an incorporated entity and was bought out by Westinghouse for 35 million dollars, making many of it's key authors very wealthy, while simultaneously alientating tens of thousands of miscreants, ne'er do wells, and other undesirables (who in fact had provided 90% of its content).

See Also fascism elitism Internet Authority Disease --the naked net crusader (ed: otherwise known as the much-loved and missed Sammy Snake) (another ed: I would say "the sort of loved and "missed despite our better judgement Sammy Snake)

From History of computing:

The Flintstones used devices to aid in computation millions of years ago, for instance the abacus.

From Wiki Canonization:

Wiki Canonization is the lengthy process by which a wikipedian is promoted to wiki sainthood. The wikipope Larry I signs the decree.

With respect to Wikipedia contains spoilers:

Psycho: He's mother.
The Crying Game: She's a he.
Fight Club: He's beating himself up.
The Sixth Sense: He's been dead the whole time.

From Muslim Language:

But there is a secret language taught by the Prophet (peace be upon him) to his closest disciples, which only in this century has become publicly known. See (enemies of Allah delete truth of his Prophet from this page, but Allah shall have HIS VENGANCE! they shall be cursed by Allah and go to HELL when they die! they are pagans and infidels and enemies of Islam, who deny the secret language revealed by Muhammad the prophet of Allah)

From optical isomerism:

Proteins in the body are L-enantiomers whereas bacteria have the D form. Penicillum only works on D-forms is therefore harmless to our body.

From Diabelli:

Diabelli also spent several years as rhythm guitarist with Frank Zappa And The Mothers Of Invention. He is best remembered for his contributions to the magnum opus "Billy The Mountain".

Diabelli, a homosexual, also reportedly had a long-running affair with former Secretary Of Defense Caspar Weinberger.

From Wikipedians/History talk:

My butt remains firmly on the fence. It seems harmless to me. --STG

I don't know...sitting firmly on a fence sounds like it could be pretty painful. --TheCunctator

From Logical positivism:

Logical positivism asserts that only statements about empirical observations are meaningful, effectively asserting that all metaphysical statements are meaningless.

Unfortunately, this fundamental tenet of logical positivism belongs to the family of statements that it asserts to be meaningless. As a result, the entire edifice of logical positivism vanishes in a puff of logic.

This insight appears not to have occurred to the logical positivist school of philosophers.

From 831:

In 831, a man named josephintee falltoay had befouled a villager who then placed a curse on the man and then he was forever to walk the earth as skeleton until he could kill the great great great great great great grandson of the man who placed a curse on Josephintee.

Kids, don't do drugs. :-)

From Adolf Hitler/Talk:

In any encyclopedia Hitler should be given a fair judgement.
He was not a blood-thirsty murderer. Rather a loving family man.
He liked a animals and was kind to them.
Anyway, we so often say that a person who shows kindness to animals can't be a bad person.
Besides he had done a lot of good for the Germans, at least before the WW2 broke out. Oh, and he enjoyed paying prostitutes to shit on him.

From Mammalia/Talk:

"(Linnaeus named the order mammals for their breasts because he wanted to encourage women to breast-feed their infants.)"

From Wales:

"Not to be confused with Jimbo Wales, or with whales, which are both considerably smaller than Wales and not Celtic, as far as we know."

From JohnnyCash:

The following seems to be a prose poem about the famous American country singer, JohnnyCash:

"Johnny walked the line, rock island line, on an orange blossom special, fell into a burning ring a' fire, had a boy named sue, on a sunday morning sidewalk, got busted for picking flowers in alabama? georgia?, bennie and the jets.. ain'choo worried 'bout gettin' your nourishment down in florida? i don't care if i do, die, do, die, do.. '56 '57 '58 '59 '61 '62 automobile, folsom prism blues, now slingin rubensesque metallica, waits, revival waddever songs of sin and redemption"

Mildly amusing vandalism from Jules Rimet trophy:

It is named after the FIFA president Jules Rimet who in 1929 passed a vote to initiate the competition after a bittersweet reunion with the gruff but lovable dwarf who took him in as a child and raised him despite his constant bout with Rickets.

From the (since deleted) article entitled "Veggie":

A freakin' vegetable. Learn English.

From Bird:

Birds go "GAW GAW!" which stands for "God Always Wins! God Always Wins!", which shows that birds do praise God and indeed go to heaven, in accordance with His divine providence. And don't even try and tell me this is wrong, because my freshman year theology teacher said it was true, and you wouldn't call an 80 year old retired Marine Officer and now a Benedictine Monk a liar, would you? Huh? Would ya, punk?

From Algorithm:

The term should not be confused with "Algoreism" -- meaning an embarassingly funny remark attributed to Al Gore, such as, "I invented the Internet".

From Telekinesis:

Microscopic PK should not be confused with Microsoft's PR, but in my opinion, neither exists.

Nice one :)

"Everyone who believes in telekinesis, raise my hand."

From a justification for an edit given by a Wikipedian.

"I'm a liberal. I don't want to know the truth, nor do I care about the truth. Everyone else that bothers coming in contact with me are buffoons. That's why I don't like talking to other people because of my higher intelligence. If you disagree with me you are a imbecile and I will stop at nothing to prove it, even if it means lying and distortion of the truth. "

From CPGM:

The Coalition to Prevent Gratuitous Misuse (CPGM) was organized in 1901 to protest the (then) common misuse of the word weight to mean mass. The movement gained momentum (defined as the vector product of its velocity and mass) when SI was officially adopted in place of metric system, which no longer carried its weight. This movement captured the imagination of the mass of scientists througout the world, although the general public remained unmoved, since a body at rest tends to remain at rest (see Newton's Laws).

From Eep:

eep opp ork aah-aah

the monkey says i love you

From 2Pac:

2Pac was the greatest of all time, and continues to be. Fuck the government and all them niggaz who shot him down. Damn, they can't stand a nigga toppin the charts. Thug in Peace my nigga 'Pac.

From Dont ask, dont tell:

2Pac Shakur, who ardually fought agaisnt the policy and its ban on gays, was later on gunned down (September 1996) by government officials, in an attempt to silence his, thuggish, though vey talented voice. For more on 2Pac, aka Makaveli, aka the Greatest Don of all time, please go here 2Pac.

From Three Laws Of Al Gore:

The Three Laws of Al Gore:

  1. Al Gore may not harm a human being, or allow a human being to be harmed.
  2. Al Gore must obey the orders given by the human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
  3. Al Gore must protect his own existence, as long as such protection does not conflict the First or Second Law.

From U2:

Pretentious and utterly tedious, the band has re-recorded their first hit single "Gloria gloria over and over again" many thousands of times with different titles and a new chord here and there, thus acquiring an enormous and enormously dim fanbase. They are politically wanky in human rights causes.